Thursday, April 26, 2012


I am reading a book that I'm not terribly crazy about, that's about motherhood. What I've read so far, she is taking the reader through her memories of being pregnant, in labor, and breast feeding and what her thoughts were during those times. It got me thinking about when my babies were born and all the memories I have too. But then I started to realize- I really don't have that many.

It really kinda bothers me how giving birth is probably the times I've been the proudest of myself, felt like I could conquer anything and yet I can't properly recall those feelings. I can't quite remember. It's like seeing a picture of yourself as a child somewhere and although you sort of recall that moment, you can't exactly remember what you did before or after that photo was taken- in which case, perhaps you only remember looking at that picture.

In some ways it's the greatest gift God gave women- that they forget the pain of childbirth (although I think I can remember some of that). But for me, it's a shame that I have to forget all the good that came after it. Sure, I have memories, I'm not saying I was unconscious or something during the entire ordeal, I'm just saying that there are a lot of details that are not with me anymore. Although, I suppose it's the same way with a lot of things too. I look at pictures of Addie when she was a baby and for the life of me can't picture me holding newborn her anymore. I've got some memories and feelings there, but if I had to describe to you the way she behaved at say, 3 months, I couldn't do it.

"That's the beauty of taking video vs. pictures", Jared keeps reminding me- and he's very right. But I hope that after we die and live in Heaven, there is a way for our bodies to recall all the wonderful experiences that our earthly bodies have forgotten. I know there are so many I've lost! 

The one thing I look forward to the most when I'm pregnant is the moment when I can finally hold my baby for the first time. So, at least I can remember that instant after all the hard work of labor is rewarded with that adorable chunky baby I get to cradle in my arms. At least I have that.

Adelyn above, Dallin below


Nat said...

i feel like the same when i hold ellie than when she was a newborn. i feel like she amazes me constantly...or so i tell myself, cuz i don't even have that many pics of her, much less video.

Jesica and Chris Fowler said...

I totally feel the same way... that's why blogging is SO very important to me! But... you are soo right! I need to take more videos!! Thanks for the reminder!!

iamthecheese said...

Definitely feel like blogging aids in this as well, capturing all the things you can't catch in a five-minute video. When you update on what they have accomplished growth-wise, what their personality is like, etc. at a certain time in their lives, you'll always have a record of how they evolve over the years!